Thursday, October 28, 2010


I feel tired. I have no motivation and I am exhausted all the time. From what, I have no idea. I get 7-8 hours of sleep a night but I can't get out of bed in the morning. I set my alarm for 7 AM and press snooze until 9, sometimes later. I have no desire to go to work, clean, study, or God forbid I should go to the gym.

My grandmother died a couple weeks ago. For those of you keeping track, that's two grandparents in 6 months. Very depressing. But even though I am sad, I don't think that's the cause of my sedated slump. I can't quite figure out where all my energy is going. I am not depressed or unhappy, I am actually quite the opposite. I'm just tired. I know I need a lifestyle change. A major overhaul of my eating habits and activity levels could really change things around. But the thought just makes me more tired. Even as I type these words I can feel my eyelids wanting to droop.

I feel old. Am I having a "mid-life crisis" at 29? My husband thinks so. He tells me that I have been acting so old over the past few months, very uptight and controlling. I have developed this crazy need to schedule everything. We can't have a spontaneous day anymore where we just pick up and go. I have to plan out what we're doing at all times. He (jokingly) calls me mom and even though he's just fooling around, that really gets to me. I don't want to be his mom, I want to be his wife. But it's all really starting to take it's toll. My face is looking ragged. I am developing wrinkles and have huge bags under my eyes. My eyes are red and bloodshot; I don't even drink! I have an extra 30 pounds I could really stand to lose that's just taken refuge in my stomach and thighs. I feel grossly unattractive.

Okay, enough with the self-pity. It's disgusting. It's time to do something about it. Only I can make positive changes in my life, right?

Maybe I will...after a quick nap.

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