Today

It's been about a month since I've last posted. Quite a lot has happened as I'm sure you can imagine.

A few days after my last post, I went to the ER complaining of major chest and back pains. Come to find out, I had multiple blood clots in my chest. I was admitted to the hospital where I spent the next 2 days. Needless to say, that has been a major life change.

However, I am still having trouble with my family and have not been practicing detachment very well. Also, I have not been to therapy since a few weeks before I was hospitalized. I never really realized how much I have actually needed to go until I couldn't go. (Quick thanks to my husband who has always encouraged me to go! He certainly knows best...) I also still have not a:) attended al-anon meetings, which I really need to do and b:) have still not done more research that I wanted to do with regards to alcoholism, etc. and c:) my blog has been severely neglected. Wow I suck.

On the upside, I am doing really well in school thus far so I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up too much about not doing those other things. Kudos to all the working parents who are going to school at the same time. I don't know how you fit it all in. Good luck to ya.

The Last Few Days....

The last few days have been emotional ups and downs. I feel like I continually watch my family fall further and further apart and there's nothing I can do about it. No one listens to me or learns from the mistakes I've made. I am trying to learn detachment but it is very difficult for me to do. I am saddened and still feel guilty for all I have done. Nothing is my fault yet I feel as though everything is my fault.

I have my moments. At some times I am able to let go and let them be whoever they're destined to be. It is hard because I get angry, hurt and upset when they don't take care of themselves. I try to realize that I need to take care of myself and my husband. He is my family now too and not only needs, but should get the most I have to give. But I can take care of everyone....can't I?